Shortness of breath

You taught me the courage of the stars before you left / how life carries on even after death / with shortness of breath you explained the infinite / how rare and beautiful it is to even exist.

- Saturn by Atlas

Failed Test Pt.2 // You Know Who You Are

Here and there I would test you by letting you in on little bits of the real me. I'd say things I didn't normally say and then wait for your reaction. But you weren't paying attention so you missed it and failed the test over and over. I tried to catch you when you were the least busy, which was at night when everyone else had gone to bed and you were still awake. But you always had some type of distraction and would usually send me away. I would laugh and joke a little, but in my mind as I walked away I would mark the test with an F. I had pity on you at times, I wish you could've known who I really was. Honestly, I'd would have let you see me if you had passed just one test. I'm naive like that, listen once and I'll tell you it all. I'll let you hold my soul in your hands. And even if you fail I'll keep trying, I have a strong need to show myself to someone. Someone turned into anyone, anyone that cared in the least. Some of my deepest thoughts were known by strangers rather than the people closest to me. Rather than you. Because the strange thing was that they got passing grades.

Failed Test Pt.1 // You Know Who You Are

I wanted to confide in you, but first I had to test you. See if you would handle my secrets with care and listen when I needed to talk about something important to me.

I tested with things that were just on the surface of who I was. The silly, random, insignificant things. But you never listened to the silly, random, insignificant things I wanted to tell you. You never payed attention.  So how could I trust you with deeper things? Darker things. I didn't feel comfortable enough to tell you anything much about who I actually am. I know you are probably thinking that I did, I talked a lot and expressed my thoughts and opinions very often. But I was very careful not to let my real self show to just anyone. I never wore my heart on my sleeve, in fact I believed myself to be incapable of doing so. You only saw what I chose to show.

A Thousand Stars

Things I love right now.

Cold air. It's sooo refreshing.

The piece of apple flavored candy in my mouth.

That fact that you can buy a pack of mismatched socks! I didn't know they had those.

The fact that I bought a pack of mismatched socks!

Fuzzy blankets.

Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran.

Doing my odd little dances when I'm alone in my room listening to that song.

Long awaited down time. Everyone needs a little break here and there.

The flashlight on my phone, it's so handy.

Wearing pjs all day.

Open.

I'm not easily offended. I pride myself in that. Offensive things people say or do, either on accident or on purpose rarely bother me.  I just don't let things get to me, I've always been like that. Very tight, not letting anything in. And lately I've realized that I also don't let nice things in sometimes. When people compliment me I let it slide. I mean I say thank you but I don't always take it seriously. If someone tells me I am pretty or that I look nice today or I did a good job with something; I don't let it make me feel better. So I've decided that I should open up more, even if it means I might get offended. At least I'll be open to accept the good things when they come.

Haha!!

Suffocated

Her lungs are tuned to the taste of air she couldn't find. Everywhere she went she would take a deep breath to see if this was it. But she would always end up a little more suffocated than before.